His eye is on the sparrow

Shalom, peace in the storm.

yshua — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 03:59:29 +0000

He calls to me across the waters which have been stirred to a froth by the wind storm. “It is I, come to me.” I hesitate and then take one step into the foaming sea. This is my moment, the only one that matters, the moment I obey and trust, moving my faith from in my head and heart to my feet and stepping out taking the word seriously, giving myself to understand what He means when he says “Come and follow me, and I will make you fishers of men. ” His way was the road to the cross, the path of self sacrifice and death to self, and then in the Father’s time, new life, resurrection power and a chance to bring others into the Family of God.

clarity

yshua — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 15:06:59 +0000

the winter wind across the lake

blows the sky a crystal blue

clears the way for perfect views

my mental state is scrubbed clean, too

fogs are not, nor gloomy clouds

high here, in my mountains, apart from crowds

I walk, we talk, the going is easy

(if i rhyme here it will be cheesy)

the ground beneath our feet swells

the path climbs and so does my pulse

a higher view of the lake’s deep blue

white mountains, green trees

everything is as it should be

the willow buds tell of coming spring

the flitting birds and scurrying vole agree

harsh cold days are past us now

the best is on the way

the clarity we seek

Oneness.

Merry Christmas eve

yshua — Sun, 24 Dec 2006 17:38:26 +0000

I got a massage this last week, and on the form you fill out all your physical ailments and any health history, and at the end there is a space marked “Comments” I filled it in even though it was optional. I wrote “I’m happy!”

I was telling the truth. I am quite happy, I have so much to be thankful for and so much love in my life. and God. does that sound weird to put him behind any other reason for happiness? yes. He is first and the reason for all happiness. I am so glad to know the savior, and to celebrate the coming of Jesus Christ in human form, to walk among and talk to us and ultimately to save us from our waywardness. Thank you God!

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where seeking stops and love is allowed to rest

yshua — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 22:55:19 +0000

when we are young, we do not know what romantic love is. Hopefully we grow enough and find that some day, yet for many it is a painful journey, fraught with hazards.

we have, if we are fortunate the love of our parents and of our siblings. This sort of love is seamless, it is the background music to a life full of many healthy diversions and the trials of growing and testing life’s lessons.

TBC

2996

yshua — Fri, 08 Sep 2006 14:57:29 +0000

i am proud to memorialize Timothy Paul Gilbert on my main blog

Sugarloaf Mountain

on Sept 11 -

as part of the 2996 tributes

The summer draws near

yshua — Sun, 03 Sep 2006 16:17:57 +0000

The cool quiet of morning is broken by the rooster’s crowing

dark has yielded to the rising light of another day

my slumber is interrupted by the sound of sheep and the chirp of birds

No alarm clock needed here in my mountain lair

the sounds of day turn off my night and renewed, I come to consciousness.

I am thankful that sleep has worked its magic in my body and mind;

glad to be alive and well, happy to see life as a glass half full or more.

When day begins the line is drawn, yesterday is a memory, stored

today I bring my strength and energy, my wits and will to serve again

to serve is righteous, holy and pure. to give is the better way

(written months ago, and just published, kind of rough draft, sorry)

what is pure surprises with its beauty

yshua — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 03:50:39 +0000

Theme:

There is so little that is pure in life. What is pure is so rare.
Scene:

I saw two sisters playing a card game together. The older one is being so kind, to entertain her younger sister at Grandma’s cabin in the mountains. The power was off temporarily and the only sound was their voices as they played. The purity of such an interaction is rare. Perhaps as fleeting as the clean air and blue sky here, high above the cities below that contain most of what we have come to accept as real life.

What I saw at this moment was the purity of sibling love, enjoying the quiet of a cool afternoon in the mountains, away from the television, the rush of the busy lives at home and the pressure of other obligations. This was just time for two. One to give, the other to receive the gift of time, before colleges and marriage draw them into lives of their own and families of their own.

These two girls will grow older and inevitably apart. The trips to the mountains together will be fewer and not as care- free. Families change as naturally as the seasons. As they get older and busier, school will demand more time, perhaps boyfriends or athletic pursuits will draw each one to spend more time with others.

Love like this does not die, nor fade, nor get erased. It becomes the backdrop to another layer of life and offers itself as a foundation for loves yet to be discovered. When other ‘important’ things begin to demand time and attention I trust that the deep sense of belonging fostered during a simple child’s game of cards will bring such strength and solace to reinforce the bond of family, sisters, friends.

As I am working nearby, straining with a simple task that has become difficult, the card game conversation has become the cabins soundtrack since the radio has gone silent with the flip of a circuit breaker. They play beautifully, quickly, for the hundredth time, a game of ‘Go Fish’ and must not realize how precious is the closeness they will always share, or how it speaks through their laughter, the giggling of pure fun filling the old cabin with another layer of happy memories.

I perspire, and mutter at the wires in the wall. The outlet is made new again, and the circuit breaker reset so that the Ipod can bring forth its’ music again.

I thank God for the examples of purity that exist in this world that I am passing through.

dear friend

yshua — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 08:35:20 +0000

I must always call you that, for in my mind that is what you remain. Even when the part of you that I cherished and was so attracted to has been eclipsed, I know it is there. I know that you are there inside a shell, behind a mask of hurt and confusion. I am sorry I contributed to your pain and feeling of loss by speaking harshly, plainly to the growing contention between us. I don't recall who started it, nor does it seem to matter much now. I just need to get some things off my mind, off my chest, so I can sleep tonight.

I picture myself sitting on your comfy couch, nervous because he is in the room, forever changing the way you talk and limiting what I can say, what I can do. No more tears from you, and no more will I be able to hug you and try to chase away the scary things that wage war against your mind and heart. That is his job now, and I need to pray he does it better than I ever could, and stays longer than I managed to stay. He has what I had once asked for and never gotten, your commitment. I presume you have his complete devotion and full will to make the best of every day with all its challenges.

I am so sorry about your mom and dad leaving you with such a mess, but you know you did some of this to yourself by exploring where you did not have to go. Sometimes a book that has a tragic ending does not need to be read to its conclusion. On the other hand you have more information here than most will ever have about WHY their family did not work. What will you do with this? What can you do? Not much really, no more than you have tried.

You have a chance. You know the truth, but until you embrace it it will not set you free. You can now see that what your father preached did not bring happiness or fulfillment into his life. Putting up with all his crap compromised your mother to the point of denying herself joy, and shortening her life by destructive habits. She tried, with you and your brother, to overcome the evil that lurked in your home. she put on the best face she could, but behind the scenes was directing the show, and was in fact stuck playing a part she wrote, but could not voice her own desperation, so she tended to yours and greived as you fought the battles that left you scarred and lonely, sad and sick from the pain of not fitting in your world.

As of today I release you from my mind and from my heart to go and be and do whatever it is that you are to do. I will no longer dwell on what was, or could have been for us. That is gone a long time ago. You helped me. I helped you. Now we go on in seperate paths, to goals that are unshared. You have what you wished for, longed for, desired. Make it work. I will work on my life, raise my daughter, encourage my sons, and serve my God with my life, my strength and my testimony. I will pray for you one more time as I sleep tonight, and trust you to the care of the God who never sleeps, and the savior who knows you more intimately than I even could, and loves you beyond words.

God bless you and your husband, and bring peace to your household

hey what happened ?

yshua — Wed, 17 May 2006 14:37:38 +0000

I used to be a writer here! Then I went back to my old blog
and my life got so busy. sheesh
I will try to do better

can he see through me?

yshua — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 18:22:05 +0000

Am I the only one wondering if the person across the table can see through my veneer to the darkness that is just beneath?

This is my experience recently: trying to be better, more real, more focused on God, yet my mind still distracts during sermons or bible studies with thoughts that do not belong there.I have control, just not much of it. I have restraint. As much as you would expect from a hungry man in front of a stack of hot pancakes piled with butter and dripping with syrup. My conscience is telling me I can not pay for those pancakes, so they are not mine to enjoy. “Can I just deal with that when the check is placed on the table?”

So when I act like I am not a pancake theif, and earnestly ponder the Word of God, though I lack the discipline of applying it to my life, I get this nagging voice that says,”If he knew who you are and what you think about during his teaching he would be appalled.” How do you sit here and talk like one kind of man and harbor the thoughts you do in the recesses of your mind?”

I wish I could tell him what is going on since I am sure he would have words of encouragement, not condemnation. We are not that close yet, maybe I will trust myself and my teacher more in the future, and make a break for the light, and leave the shadows. for now its mine to deal with, mine to conquer. With the help of God and His spirit living in me.